The Challenge of Inclusion - February 12

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 25; PM Psalm 9, 15; Prov. 27:1-6,10-12; Phil. 2:1-13; John 18:15-18,25-27

In my years in youth ministry, there were a few, more than difficult young people who would come through the program.  Sometimes they would make everyone else feel uncomfortable, maybe even run people off from the group.  It was especially difficult, but our staff and volunteers worked hard to include those young people, who wore so visibly their pain and brokenness.

Now it’s obvious what the right answer for who we should include in your youth program. I hope most youth programs would do the right thing and be a welcoming and inclusive space for the kids on the margins of their communities who struggled to fit in, and sometimes because of their own behavior. And we knew there was a cost.  Some kids would be less involved, and sometimes it made everyone uncomfortable.  Sometimes, we wanted to be like Peter who denied Jesus.  Sometimes youth did.  Maybe if I am honest, on my bad days, I wasn’t as welcoming as I could have been, exhausted and challenged by the hard work of inclusion.  And sometimes, it worked and the kingdom of God was revealed.

Inclusion can be difficult, but it’s a whole lot easier when everyone commits to the ethic.  I don’t blame middle and high school students who were struggling with their own identity, finding it challenging to include others.  My guess is that there was a fear from some young people of full inclusion of the more difficult or odd kids, maybe because it might confirm all of their own doubts and insecurities about their own self-worth.  On their best days, they did a pretty good job, when we were able to support them or model inclusion. 

Peter’s failure to acknowledge being in a relationship with Jesus also stems from fear.  Will he be arrested too?  Will Peter lose friends if he publicly acknowledges knowing Jesus?  Will his own insecurities about the person he is be affirmed? 

Inclusion can be a community ethic.  We often know what the right thing to do is, and it helps when we remind each other and support each other. I wonder if Peter’s answer would have been different if the other disciples were there to support him.  I hope so and know that I’m grateful to be in a community filled with disciples to help you and me make better choices.

Faithfully,

John+

Questions for Self-Reflection:  What is a decision you regret because you didn’t have courage or confidence? Who are the people who help you to make better decisions?

Praying at Night – February 7, 2024

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 119:97-120; PM Psalm 81, 82
Gen. 27:1-29; Rom. 12:1-8; John 8:12-20

When I was a child, my mom would put me to bed and say prayers with me. We would say, “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” There is evidently a different version of this prayer – updated from the 18th century version my mom taught me – that has a cheerier ending: “May angels watch me through the night, And wake me with the morning light.”

I did not ruminate much on the “dying before I wake” part. I put much more energy into naming all the people for whom I prayed at night. I would go on and on and on. Close kin, distant kin, pets, stuffed animals. If I knew you, I probably named you. One night after my mom nodded off during my great litany of intercessions, she said, “Okay, Katherine. Wrap it up, please.” If she were here now, she would laugh at that story and possibly deny that remark happening.

I tell you this story because there are times when we put energy into prayer, and there are times when we need the structure of an external source to remind us and help us to pray. These reflections come early in the morning, three times a week. John, Mary Bea, and I reflect on scripture, Christian piety, and the challenges of living a life of faith focused upon God. What do you do to guide your prayer life at night?

In our scriptures appointed today from the Gospel according to John, Jesus says, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.’ (8:12) This is one of the verses of holy scripture that opens Daily Evening Prayer, Rite II. While often I spend time reflecting on the Bible, today I offer some accessible sources of prayer at the end of the day. There are several options in the Book of Common Prayer. It could be as simple as praying the Song of Simeon (also called the Nunc Dimittis):

Lord, you now have set your servant free
    to go in peace as you have promised;
For these eyes of mine have seen the Savior,
    whom you have prepared for all the world to see:
A Light to enlighten the nations,
    and the glory of your people Israel.

Or maybe you would like to read through all of Evening Prayer (page 115 in the BCP) that pulls readings appointed each day in the Daily Office lectionary. You may be familiar with Compline (page 127 in the BCP), which is near and dear to those who have participated in summer sessions at Camp McDowell. There are also Daily Devotions for Families and Individuals that begin on page 136 in the BCP, with prayers for morning, noon, late day, and at the close of the day.

If sleep is elusive for you, there is also a prayer for sleep (page 461 in the BCP):

O heavenly Father, you give your children sleep for the refreshing of soul and body: Grant me this gift, I pray; keep me in that perfect peace which you have promised to those whose minds are fixed on you; and give me such a sense of your presence, that in the hours of silence I may enjoy the blessed assurance of your love; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Each of these structures is useful in its own way. As we prepare for the start of Lent next week, consider how adding to your life by tacking on a prayer at the end of the day could deepen your connection to God in the days ahead. It could be a great 40-day experiment!

-- Katherine+

Reflection and Challenge

Think about a routine you followed in childhood. Who helped establish that for you? What colors do you think of? What is warm? What is hard? What do you cherish? Hold that memory in thanks to God. Reflect on how that routine has formed you into today.

Secret at the Rail - February 5

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 80; PM Psalm 77, [79]; Gen. 25:19-34; Heb. 13:1-16; John 7:37-52; Mark 10:13-22*

Secrets of Sunday:  So, I have some insider news.  There is a lot of goodness that most of the church misses on Sunday.  The people who sit behind the rail, our acolytes and Eucharistic Ministers, see a whole different side of the congregation.  Not only is the altar party facing the congregation during worship, but we come face to face with people receiving the Eucharist.  We get to experience what happens at the rail.

It is a gift and a privilege to share in that way, and to be clear, anyone who has been Confirmed or Received in the Episcopal church can go through training to be a Eucharistic Minister.  I encourage you to consider if that would be meaningful.  At our church, especially at the 9:00 a.m. service, there are an unusually high number of small children. What warms my heart every single time is the enthusiasm and curiosity of our youngest friends when they receive communion.  Some reach with urgency.  Others are bold with a smile that conveys a deep love for wanting to know Jesus Christ.  I try to bend down and get on eye level so I can capture each moment as they teach me what it means to yearn for God. 

In today’s lesson from Mark, the people are bringing their children to Jesus.  The disciples are quite upset (they often miss the mark).  Jesus rebukes the disciples and offers some wisdom.  “Truly I tell you whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, will never enter it.”  Children understand something that we need to hold on it.  They trust, they adore, they play, and they engage with an honesty that can’t be reserved.

I truly learn something from our young people.  I learn to yearn, to see the joy and gift and hospitality in community and the gift of the Eucharist.  They teach me just how precious the Eucharist can truly be.  Pay attention this week, they are offering a gift that we all need to receive.

John+

* Edit: I accidentally wrote my reflection on Sunday’s Daily Office reading but still wanted to share.

Questions for Self-Reflection:  What do you learn from children?  How have children taught you in the past? 

Tension in the ranks – February 1, 2024

Today’s Readings: AM [Psalm 70], 71; PM Psalm 74
Gen. 23:1-20; Heb. 11:32-12:2; John 6:60-71

When many of Jesus’ disciples heard it, they said, ‘This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?’  John 6:60

Do you remember struggling to understand a topic during your education? Geometry. Recitation from the prologue of Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales. Historical assessment of varied governmental structures in Europe. Diagramming a sentence. Take your pick!

We read this week in John 6 of Jesus’ teachings about the bread of life. He tells them that “the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” All who hear this hunger for more, for they say, “Give us this bread always.” Jesus reveals more details as he says, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

Some in the crowd begin to grumble. They hear him say he is the bread of life and he has come down from heaven from God the Father, yet they know his mom and dad…they saw him grow up. They are confused and complaining. While many are Jews, not all are following what Jesus is saying. He is teaching in the way that rabbis teach, yet his content has shifted. While often the narrative of God’s care for those in the Exodus was for their daily survival, Jesus offers this angle: “Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died.” He then counters, “This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live for ever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh...unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.”

Buttons are pushed further in this crowd gathered in a Capernaum synagogue, for the literal understanding of Jesus’ words is repulsive to the Jews. They would not begin to consume the blood of an animal and its flesh. That breaks the Jewish dietary codes. (Perhaps the intended audience of this gospel was not Jewish people, but other cultures who found this practice more normative.)

Resistance mounts among the Jews. Even the disciples name how difficult this teaching is. There is much complaining. Jesus says, “Does this offend you?” I imagine that grabs their attention, for it is in the nicks caused by pointed exchange that sting and bring us to greater awareness and reflection. He continues, “It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh is useless. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” Jesus points to the power of the Divine over the trappings of human existence. He grounds his disciples in their foundation: God. He also acknowledges, “But among you there are some who do not believe…For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted by the Father.”

The Good News of salvation is not easy news. We do not always believe. It is hard to comprehend. Some of us turn away. Some of us sit down and scratch our heads. God is with us in the walking away and in the wrestling. Just as Jesus kept teaching, the spirit of the Divine continues weaving us together in ways that we can experience God’s love and grace. It is not a direct path. And we will disagree and sometimes feel lost. None of our actions can separate us from the saving love of God.

-- Katherine+

Reflection and Challenge

Listen for where belief in God is hard today. Sit in prayer. Read the psalms appointed for today. Pray for the grace of God’s love to shine brightly in our world today.

Out of our Control - January 30

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 61, 62; PM Psalm 68:1-20(21-23)24-36; Gen. 21:1-21; Heb. 11:13-22; John 6:41-51

I usually work well with deadlines. The nature, at least of this Episcopal church, is strategy helps us live into our mission. We plan months in advance, and we operate with deadlines. On a side note, if you are ever interested in the behind-the-scenes understanding of Saint Stephen’s, we would be happy to give you a tour of the staff offices including our staff meeting room filled with large, oversized calendars, spreadsheets with liturgical and preaching rotations, and deadlines for guides. Stories have been outlined for both the spring and fall magazines. We follow a schedule because it helps us be the best stewards with our time and resources.

I’ve also been struck with the challenge of producing a daily reflection every Monday. Did you notice you received this email on a Tuesday? Have you noticed when you haven’t received a daily reflection?  Sometimes it’s a pastoral conversation on a Sunday afternoon, or Newcomers gathering, a hospital visit, a need for communion, or something else. 

As I read Genesis today, I find myself wondering how much the birth of Isaac changed the life of Sarah. We get the impression that Sarah and Abraham had longed for a child for years. Abraham was one hundred years old, and Sarah laughed when God spoke to her sharing God’s vision for her life. Did she have time for a newborn? What did she have to give up? What tasks could no longer be accomplished because of the change taking place in her life? Was she scared?

The reading from Genesis is a reminder that much of our life is outside of our control. Timelines might be helpful, and yet sometimes things happen. What unexpected gifts or challenges have you faced lately that have thrown you off your schedule? Could it be a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit, a gift you didn’t expect? 

John+

The Possibility of Forgiveness – January 24, 2024

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 119:49-72; PM Psalm 49, [53]
Gen. 16:1-14; Heb. 9:15-28; John 5:19-29

Recently, I read a book by Simon Wiesenthal called The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness. First published in 1969, it is the author’s personal account of being a Jewish man imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp. During captivity, Simon is brought to the bedside of a mortally wounded German soldier to hear his deathbed confession for the atrocities he committed against Jews.

Like the accounts of many Jews who lived in Europe during the Holocaust, Simon’s station in life and personal agency are severely curtailed by his circumstances. An architect by training, he loses nearly everything in the Nazi occupation, including his parents. He is worked mercilessly, fed meagerly, and is subjected to random whims of violence. The treatment of the Jews by the Nazis and their mercenary assistants is systematically dehumanizing.

Simon is aware of the many differences that distinguish the captive Jews from the Nazis wielding their power. One of those is within the military cemetery. Upon each soldier’s grave, a sunflower is planted. He envies the dead soldiers, for each has a sunflower growing “to connect him with the living world, and butterflies to visit his grave.” The liveliness of the interplay between butterflies and flowers provides light and messages for the dead beneath them. For the Jews, there will be only mass graves.

In such times of tension and unrest – whether in World War II or in our lives today – compassion is likely to fall to the wayside. And yet, each of us yearns to be heard, understood, and met just where we are. Compassionate companions are priceless. Simon was able to be that for the dying man.

The question that haunted him was the one of confession … was he – a Jew – able to absolve this Nazi of the crimes he confessed? Was it his job to do that? Simon wrestled with these wonderings for years following his release from the concentration camps. This book is an outgrowth of his experience. He ends the story like this: “You, who have just read this sad and tragic episode in my life, can mentally change places with me and ask yourself the crucial question, ‘What would I have done?’”

Simon Wiesenthal’s musings demonstrate the messiness of forgiveness. Life is complicated. Our stories are chaotic. Even in the Genesis reading today, we have the complex relationship between Abram and Sarai, longing for a child. Sarai offers Hagar, her Egyptian slave-girl, as a surrogate to Abram; the child Ishmael is born from that relationship. Scorn and jealously grow. Hurt people hurt people. We each yearn for forgiveness and restoration. We each have spaces of pain and wrongdoing. We each have a story to tell, for we learn about ourselves and one another in doing so.

Nearly 20 years ago, the United Nations identified January 27 as International Holocaust Remembrance Day, honoring the day that Auschwitz-Birkenau was liberated and the memory of the millions of victims of Nazi persecution. There is a panel discussion on the possibilities and limitations of forgiveness this Sunday, January 28, at 3 p.m. in the large auditorium at the Homewood Public Library. Second-generation Holocaust survivors and local rabbis will speak to their own stories, and I will join the panel to explore forgiveness in light of the tragedy at Saint Stephen’s in 2022. You can find out more information about this and other events sponsored this month by the Alabama Holocaust Education Center here.

-- Katherine+

Reflection and Challenge

Listen for where God is giving you courage to be in hard conversations. Pay attention to current events in our nation and world. Then, go to God in prayer; lift up those spaces of discomfort in your heart and in our shared life. Pray for the grace of God’s love to bring restoration to our world.

Belief that changes our Lives - January 22

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 41, 52; PM Psalm 44; Gen. 14:(1-7)8-24; Heb. 8:1-13; John 4:43-54

The father realized that this was the hour when Jesus had said to him, ‘Your son will live.’ So he himself believed, along with his whole household. 

As beautiful and poetic as John’s Gospel can be, the message is relatively simple.  If you believe in Jesus Christ, the life-changing gift of eternal life is yours.  A few weeks ago, a new friend gave me a copy of a book by Anthony Ray Hinton, The Sun Does Shine: How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row. Hinton was wrongly convicted of capital murder here in Jefferson County in 1985. Through the work of Bryan Stevenson (who spoke at Saint Stephen’s around the time of Hinton’s release in 2015) and other lawyers and an unwavering commitment to justice, Hinton’s conviction was overturned by the United States Supreme Court.

The story is painful exposing just how racism and prejudice can corrupt and destroy the very systems we hold up for our safety and well-being, and yet the story is profoundly hopeful as Hinton’s faith, his ability to forgive, and his call to love others literally transforms the lives of those around him.  From wardens and prison guards to the child of a leader of the KKK, who is on death row for a racist hate crime, Hinton’s love and commitment to rise above his situation wins over those around him, changing their very lives and their outlook on humanity too. 

There is a moment of transformation in the book, when Hinton begins to call people by name, a sort of awakening to believe that how he was raised, to love other people, and to love God is more powerful and transformative than the situation he has found himself in.  By believing in the power of love, forgiveness, and hope, his actual life is changed.  While his living conditions are abhorrent, his belief changes his ability to live with hope in a 5’ x 7’ solitary room on Death Row. 

Hinton’s belief in love, forgiveness, and God transforms his life. It reminds me of one of the most powerful lines in holy scripture in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, “For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. (1:18).”  Belief in God’s grace and the power of love and forgiveness might not make sense in our complicated world to many, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God.

In John’s Gospel, this entire story is told to show us the life-changing power of believing in Jesus.  In today’s reading, we hear “The father realized that this was the hour when Jesus had said to him, ‘Your son will live.’ So he himself believed, along with his whole household” (John 4:53).  Our belief in the power of love of Jesus Christ and the grace of God has the same transformative power in our lives.  We just have to believe. 

My prayer is for John’s Gospel and the life of Anthony Ray Hinton to stir up in us a deeper faith so that we too may see the transformative work of God in our lives. 

John+

Questions for Self-Reflection:  How has your own faith changed your life?  Where do you see this?  What could help strengthen your belief?   

Reaching Out Our Hands

Today’s Readings for the Feast of St. Aelred of Riveaulx:

AM: Psalm 36:5-10 , Philippians 2:1-4 , John 15:9–17

Today’s Reflection

Last Sunday, as the clergy and altar party were scrambling to change out of vestments in preparation for the 10:15 formation offerings, one of the Lay Eucharistic Ministers (LEMs) said, "Did you see what happened during the baptism?" I halted for a moment and looked at her quizzically. Serving as Katherine's assistant, I had been standing to the right of her as she baptized four-year old Leela Leverton. Was the LEM speaking of the sweet way her barely-older brother protectively positioned himself as Leela, adorned in a simple, beautiful dress, white shoes and bobby socks tentatively stepped on the stool in front of the font? Or, to the joy on the faces of the congregation as they leaned sideways and forward to get a better vantage point of the baptism? Was she referring to the beam of light that mystically appeared right after Katherine dipped her thumb in the anointing oil and proclaimed, "You are sealed by the Holy Spirit in baptism and marked as Christ's own forever?"

Eyes welling, the LEM said, "Her older brother was holding her hand almost the entire time. And, when their hands unclasped for just a moment, Leela reached behind and her brother immediately grabbed it."

Moments later, in the "Wholeness as a Path to Holiness" Adult Forum, our presenter Scott Stoner pointed out that secular research supports that people who are resilient have two things, "a strong spirituality and a strong community." In the conclusion of his presentation Scott astutely connected the baptism experience of Leela and her six-year old brother Dexter saying, "it's as simple as that folks, that's what a wellness ministry is, to hold each other's hands as we go through this journey we call life. So that we can be whole and we can be the people God created us to be. To hold each other's hands in community and to reach out our hands to hold the hands of those who are afraid those who are alone in our community as they go through (transitions/challenges) of life."

Today we celebrate the feast of St. Aelred of Rievaulx who is known for his commitment to, and theological writing about spiritual friendship. A description of St. Aelred says, "During his abbacy he built Rievaulx into a place of spiritual welcome and physical prosperity, desiring to make it a 'mother of mercy' to those in need."

In today's Gospel, Jesus says, "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." Rooted in the Gospel, one of our baptismal promises is to "Seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbor as ourselves." St. Stephen's is already a place of spiritual welcome. And, we are wondering what new ways we are being invited in this time and in this place to hold one another's hand and love one another has Christ has loved us.

Led by Katherine Owens and myself, An Advisory Committee is forming with the intention of creating a center for spirituality and wholeness. All are invited to participate in a Listening Session on January 21st at 10:15 am to wonder together how we can join the Holy Spirit in co-creating the good works God has already begun.

Yours in Christ,

Mary Bea+

Questions for Self-Reflection:

When was a time you needed support and someone reached out to be Christ for you? What ways has being a part of the St. Stephen's community enhanced your physical, spiritual, emotional, vocational wellbeing? What kind of community are you yearning for?

Seeing and knowing – January 10, 2024

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 119:1-24; PM Psalm 12, 13, 14
Gen. 4:1-16; Heb. 2:11-18; John 1:29-42

On Christmas morning, one of the presents from my husband Sam was a book called How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. Sam knew that the book’s premise would resonate with me. He was right.

While David Brooks is more widely known for his political and social commentaries in The New York Times, The Atlantic, and PBS News Hour, this work is deeply personal and insightful in lovely ways…at least in the 53 pages I have read so far. He writes about his quest for enhancing social skills in an age when culture is growing more automated in interactions. He posits that at the heart of the ways we treat one another is “the ability to understand what another person is going through”. To be healthy in relationship, we “see someone else deeply and make them feel seen – to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” Brooks goes through behaviors and mindsets that keep us from seeing others and then lays out ways we can do this. Being seen and known is essential to life, much like oxygen, water, and nutrients that sustain our somatic natures.

Being seen and known is not easy. It takes deep honesty. And perhaps, like in dove hunting, it is helpful to have a trained companion who can flush out what it is you are trying to find. Spiritual practices and Holy Scripture can be avenues to explore when digging for nuggets of honesty, redemption, and hope in God’s love. (After all, this is to be a reflection on scripture, rather than a book review.)

In the gospel appointed from John in today’s daily office reading, we hear a great story of Jesus. John the Baptist was spending time with his disciples and Jesus walked by. John said, “Look, here is the Lamb of God!” John deeply saw and named the truth of Jesus' identity. The disciples left John and starting following Jesus. It’s not clear how long they trailed him before Jesus turned around and acknowledged them. He said, “What are you looking for?” The two – perhaps star-struck – individuals blurted out, “Rabbi, where are you staying?” Jesus invited them to come and see; they spent the day together. Andrew was one of the disciples, and he went to get his brother Simon to meet the Messiah. Upon meeting, Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon son of John. You are to be called Cephas.” (a.k.a. Peter)

Jesus saw John deeply. He saw Andrew deeply. He saw Simon Peter deeply. Jesus was training the disciples to see others deeply, too.

I pray this day that God gives each of us the courage we need to go on this perilous journey of faith and vulnerability, to see and be seen. This is where the Holy Spirit comes in, filling our lungs with the inspiration that we cannot put in there ourselves. So, be courageous to know yourself. Be bold as you pray into spaces of the unknown. Be loving as you see others. Be wise to lean upon the expertise and guidance of others. May the light of Christ shine in your eyes, and may you see that light in the countenance of each person you meet.

-- Katherine+

Reflection and Challenge

Listen for where God is strengthening you to see and live more deeply. Pay attention to those who are hard to engage. In prayer lift up those relationships of discomfort. Ask for guidance and understanding to see these as God sees them.

"Dirt + Holy Spirit = People" - January 8, 2024

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 1, 2, 3; PM Psalm 4, 7; Gen. 2:4-9(10-15)16-25; Heb. 1:1-14; John 1:1-18

The second story of creation has some pretty powerful implications.  God takes the dust of the ground to make man.  The literal Hebrew translation is God formed [‘ādām] (which means man) out of [‘adāmâ].  ‘Adāmâ might be best translated ‘dust from the fertile soil.’  And then God breaths into ‘adāmâ and we have a living breathing human being.  The dust from fertile soil plus God’s breath equals humanity.  Maybe a better formula is “Dirt + Holy Spirit = People.” 

God takes some earthy clay and makes the most beautiful of all creations with a little breath – humanity.  

There is much more than meets the eye in this passage.  Eco-theologians have written extensively about the intentional human connection to all of creation.   We could probably unpack this one passage for an entire year and not distill all the wisdom this passage has for us and live a life grounded in living out God’s desire for us to be connected to each other and all of creation.  It evokes a specific relationship between place and people.  However, let’s take just a very simple statement:  God takes dirt and makes the most beautiful creation to ever exist.

This is the first reflection I have written in this new year.  A transition into a new year often evokes reflection on the past, what we have done, and what we have left undone, with a hyperfocus on how this year can be different.  Just as the earth is fertile ground teeming with the potential of all creation, the messiness of our lives is also fertile ground.  How can we move beyond guilt and shame of our past experiences to allow real transformation and growth in our lives?  Maybe it begins with recognizing the Creator’s ability to bring life out of dirt, a reminder that creation is always taking place, and our very lives are fertile ground. 

John+

Questions for Self-Reflection:  What holds you back from growth?  What negative experiences do you hold on to in an unhelpful way?  How could those be catalysts for change?

Multiplying Our Gifts - December 22, 2024

Today’s Readings:

Friday. AM Psalm 40, 54; Zech. 7:8-8:8; Rev. 5:6-14; Matt. 25:14-30  

Today’s Reflection

This Sunday and Monday there will be six opportunities to worship here at St. Stephen's. You may find the schedule here. No doubt it will be glorious, and at times chaotic, and the birth of Christ will be celebrated with music and prayers and pageants. Earlier this week the staff met to discuss logistics for the services. Do we have ushers for the Christmas Day service? Are there acolytes for Sunday mornings services? When and who will put up/take down the risers?

It was apparent to me that this is a collaborative, organized, and experienced staff. AND, I was once again reminded that the generous offering of the gifts of so many parishioners makes it possible for us to worship not only on festival days, but every Sunday. In the Gospel reading today the landowner is complimentary of those who used the gifts he had given them in ways that multiplied. Conversely, the one who buried his money in the ground was chastised greatly.

This has me imagining each of those sweet children in the pageant--the angels, the stars, the sheep, Mary and Joseph, all of them, as if they are offering their gifts at the feet of Jesus. It doesn't stop with the children. I think of Miss Whitney and Miss Jennifer and how they are lifting up their gifts, and the ushers handing out bulletins and helping people find their seats, and the altar guild preparing the space and the altar so beautifully. Gift after gift; treasure after treasure shared and multiplied in the joyful hearts giving thanks for the birth of Christ. Thank you for the multitude of ways you support beautiful worship.

In light of this scripture, I am inviting you to consider--is there a way that you might desire to support worship here at St. Stephen's? Have you wondered about being a lector, or greeting people, or serving as a Lay Eucharistic minister? If so, please reach out to Gretchen Lerner to find out how you can get involved in one of these rewarding ways to share your gifts in 2024. Also, if you are worshipping here this Sunday, I hope you will consider offering hospitality to our guests, helping them to find the nave, or a seat. The space may be crowded and we may find ourselves abdicating our favorite spot for someone who rarely is here. May they see the face of Christ in your smile. May they feel welcome at this most welcoming of tables, not only on Christmas, but every day.

Yours in Christ,

Mary Bea+

Questions for Self-Reflection:

Who have you noticed offering their talents to support worship? Is there a way you are being invited by God to serve here at St. Stephen's or in the community?

Anticipation - December 20, 2023

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 119:49-72; PM Psalm 49, [53]
Zech. 3:1-10; Rev. 4:1-8; Matt. 24:45-51

Anticipation. This is a season of more waiting than usual. Waiting in line to check out at the grocery store. Waiting to receive the book that got lost on the first shipment. Waiting to merge on the interstate due to heavy traffic. Waiting for Christmas to get here so that we can have family gatherings, favorite menu items, and open gifts. There is wonder and hope in this space.

There is also exhaustion. And maybe frustration. And anxiety. Why? Because we know these big events are coming. Plans are put in place. And, it is not yet time for them to happen. We wait. We get ready. In the waiting, our minds wander. We remember the disappointments of the past. We wonder if others will show up, or make the ham the right way. We yearn for easier times. We dread the family tensions that could flare up.

All of that superfluous work and worry is not ours to do. In Matthew 24, Jesus tells his friends to keep awake, “Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour.” (v. 44) He moves into a parable contrasting faithful and wicked slaves when no one is watching over them. Jesus says, “Blessed is that slave whom his master will find at work when he arrives.” (v. 46) The Messiah is not urging his friends to fret. He is guiding them to keep engaged and not get complacent. That is what faithful relationship looks like, as we keep the bonds among us taut with meaningful connection.

Though we wait with anticipation for the coming of the Lord Jesus, we have an invitation to participate in life. Whether our “other duties as assigned” are complete or not, we get to practice the spiritual discipline of centeredness. And we can start it now. It only takes a minute:

1.     Sit up straight in a chair, with your feet touching the floor

2.     Place your hands lightly in your lap and close your eyes

3.     Breathe in and breathe out, slowly and deliberately

4.     Listen to the sound of your breath

5.     After a minute (or more), open your eyes

6.     Take note of how you feel and what thoughts are upon your mind

(This and other mindfulness exercises are available at psychcentral.com.)

In Advent hope as we prepare to welcome Jesus,

-- Katherine+

Reflection and Challenge

Put your anticipations and hopes into prayer to God. Listen for where God is strengthening you to live more deeply. Pay attention to the spaces and people that sometimes get overlooked in the excitement - especially those who are sick or homebound.

Making things worse? - December 18

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 41, 52; PM Psalm 44; Zech. 1:7-17; Rev. 3:7-13; Matt. 24:15-31 

“And I am extremely angry with the nations that are at ease; for while I was only a little angry, they made the disaster worse.” – Zechariah 1:15 

I’ve been hovering over these words this past week.  I try to work on my reflections before I go on vacation, so I have prepared for this reading two weeks in advance, although the crafting sometimes takes a little longer (and I think it’s important to be shaped by my experiences).  A week ago, I was in Buenos Aires for a few days.  By some random chance, I was there the same day their new president was sworn in, Javier Milei, who was referred to as the chainsaw-wielding president by the Sunday Times (British Newspaper).  Oddly, his installation was on a day when chainsaws galore made their own pilgrimage to Saint Stephen’s after some horrendous storms.  Milei is an eccentric rightwing libertarian that has risen to power as people become increasingly disenfranchised with the horrible inflation (120% the last calendar year).   

I was invited to lunch the day of Milei’s installation by a retired professor in Latin American studies from the University of Indiana, an opportunity to learn more about this country at least from one person’s perspective.  He shared the history of the country, and how he felt many people were consistently frustrated that whoever they elected failed to follow through with promises made, leading to a sense of desperation, a country always thinking tomorrow will be better and tomorrow never arriving.   

Prophets in the Old Testament, especially Zechariah, often point out how the people have failed to care for the poor or let injustice for those who have been marginalized become the norm. As I read Zechariah this morning, I wonder if the prophet is reminding his people that not only are they failing in their care, but actually making their problems worse. I wonder if this is a result from the abdication of one’s responsibility to care for each other until one has the perfect solution.  Sound timely?   

I don’t have all of the answers for what are the right solutions to care for others that are called for as we are citizens of our great country entrusted with sacred responsibilities for our care of each other.  I even think there are a varying degree of faithful answers that each of us can live into as people of faith.  But I am struck that Zechariah reminds his people that they can make a bad situation worse.  Or maybe he is saying they can even take what is pretty good and destroy it all together.   

The prophets remind us that more than anything, our care for each other, especially those who suffer, who are poor and marginalized, who suffer at the hands of injustice, is at the core of what it means to be faithful. While I acknowledge that not all of us are at ease, most of us enjoy a level of comfort and satisfaction that far surpasses previous generations. In this season of Advent, when we look for light breaking into the dark world, for God’s good news to be birthed into the world, Zechariah’s vision is a reminder of our own agency in the coming of the kingdom. May we be mindful that we are working to create a world where justice and prosperity will be the reality for all. At the very least, let’s not make it worse. 

John+ 

Questions for Self-Reflection:  What are some ways you can be proactive in working towards the kingdom of God?  In what ways have we made things worse when trying to make things better?  

Nurturing Faith

Today’s Readings:

AM Psalm 31; Haggai 1:1-15; Rev. 2:18-29; Matt. 23:27-39

Today’s Reflection

The first parish I served after seminary was The Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit in Alabaster, Alabama; a small, diverse, dedicated congregation. One Lent we invited the youth to lead compline at the conclusion of each of our Wednesday night programs. It was my joy to meet with the youth to plan worship. Since most of them had gone to summer camp at Camp McDowell, they were very familiar with the compline service.

During one of the planning sessions, I sat next to a then-middle school girl, and asked her which of the psalms she would like for us to pray. Immediately she said, "I love Psalm 31. That's the one I always pray--let's do that one." Inherent in her answer was a habit of praying compline, and familiarity with her choices. The portion of Psalm 31 assigned as an option for this service is:

1  In you, O LORD, have I taken refuge;

      let me never be put to shame: *

      deliver me in your righteousness.

2  Incline your ear to me; *

      make haste to deliver me.

3  Be my strong rock, a castle to keep me safe, 

      for you are my crag and my stronghold; *

      for the sake of your Name, lead me and guide me.

4  Take me out of the net that they have secretly set for me, *

      for you are my tower of strength.

5  Into your hands I commend my spirit, *

      for you have redeemed me,

      O LORD, O God of truth.

I knew from this child's mother that there was great stress in her home. Somehow, in the chaos of her life, praying compline, ascribing Psalm 31 to her heart, gave her comfort and peace.

Imagine what had to happen for this one child to have a relationship with the Book of Common Prayer and scripture in a way that she had the kind of relationship with God that was a ballast in the storms. Her parents chose to find a way for her to be connected to a faith community. That community chose to feed its young people not only with kid-friendly food and entertainment, but also food for the soul. Camp McDowell staff and counselors chose to take seriously the formation of the campers.

Surely most, if not all, of those persons who poured their time and love and faith out for this child and many others, had no idea the depth of the gift they had provided. In that moment, when I heard her immediately, enthusiastically respond to which psalm we should pray, I witnessed the faithfulness of so many others coming to fruition. As I recall this experience I am grateful to the many volunteers here at St. Stephen's, Camp McDowell, and persons of faith everywhere who sacrificially pass the torch of the tradition down to the next generation so they can faithfully pray for God to deliver them, redeem them, strengthen them. I'm also wondering, is there anything you or I are being nudged to do to support the faith life of a young person in our lives?

Yours in Christ,

Mary Bea+

Questions for reflection:

Who has passed the tradition on to you? How are you sharing your faith and encouraging others in the faith?

Being deeply seen - December 13

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 38; PM Psalm 119:25-48; Amos 8:1-14; Rev. 1:17-2:7; Matt. 23:1-12

Imagine with me: you are feeling down in the dumps, and you have to put on a happy game face. (It is the season for parties and family gatherings, so perhaps this exercise is close to a real-life experience?) You get to the venue for the celebration. Your heart is not in it. You put your best face and foot forward. As the event wraps up, someone comes over to talk only to you. This person has seen through to the real state of your heart and asks how you truly are. “Let’s get coffee and unload about the hard stuff,” they say. And they do not budge at your deflection to humor or change of topic. They really see you.

In this exercise of imagination and empathy, what do you see? What do you think? What do you feel? Who comes to mind?

As I sit with the passage from the Revelation to John appointed for today, I am struck by the experience of being seen. John of Patmos writes to the church in Ephesus, “I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance. I know that you cannot tolerate evildoers; you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not; and have found them to be false…” (Rev. 2:2) This letter comes from someone who really knows what is going on in the community – including how they handle conflict, truth-telling, and the efforts for authenticity. The writer continues, “I also know that you are enduring patiently and bearing up for the sake of my name, and that you have not grown weary.” (v. 3) This group of faithful people continues to persist, no matter what.

Then it gets hard: “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at the first. Remember then from what you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” (v. 4-5) The writer is working to recenter those whom he sees and loves. He names a hard truth – they have strayed in some ways from their foundation of agape. Unconditional love that feeds the hearts of all. And so what is to be done? Repent. Reconsider. Return to what is most important.

John wants the church in Ephesus to be whole, healthy, and worthy of shining the light of Christ into this dark time. Others cannot be drawn to the light if those bearing it are not grounded in faithfulness to God. Hence his warning that he will remove the lampstand if they do not change their hearts and minds.

This is not unlike our Advent messages to keep awake and be prepared. When we are deeply and truly seen by those who love us, they name for us our spaces of blindness and where we need to pay attention. This message is grounded in God’s love and care for us.

Let us keep awake as we prepare our hearts to welcome Jesus the Christ. Be attentive to your heart. Where do you yearn to be deeply known and seen? Pray that God will put someone in your orbit who will pay attention, speak honestly, and listen lovingly. And perhaps God is preparing you to be this person for someone else.

In Advent hope,

-- Katherine+

Reflection and Challenge

Sit in prayer for 10 minutes. Hold in your heart those spaces that feel untethered and painful. Breathe in and out as you sit with the discomfort. Allow the Holy Spirit to fill that space with courage and peace.

Make note of what this experience was like - what you felt, thought, wondered.

The Power of Community - December 11

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 25; PM Psalm 9, 15; Amos 7:1-9; Rev. 1:1-8; Matt. 22:23-33 

Yesterday morning, I worshiped at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, and Anglican cathedral in Buenos Aires. I was late by twenty minutes as plans had gone awry due to the investiture of the new Argentinian president taking place that day. A parade was taking place, and it took some fancy maneuvering to get through the crowds of people.  I wandered downtown and up the steps of the cathedral to walk into worship with about thirty others, including a few expats, but mostly people from Argentina.   

I walked in during the sermon, not understanding anything.  By the creed, an usher brought me a bilingual guide.  The church was using our Book of Common Prayer for worship, a more than comforting realization.  A young woman had taken the three children to children’s chapel and brought them back for Holy Eucharist, a similar practice to our own worship at Saint Stephen’s.  We walked forward to receive communion, kneeling at the rail as I would at most Anglican/Episcopal churches.   

Following the service, I was invited to coffee hour, and enjoyed some fellowship and hospitality with the twenty or so who lingered, including a lunch with a retired American professor of Latin American studies and fellow Episcopalian.  It was deeply moving to find Christian community and hospitality and life in worship. 

As I waited at coffee hour, I talked with an Argentinian man who worked as a tailor as he shared how he struggled some with his faith as his parents aged, especially when one was in the hospital.  We talked about the second coming of Christ, and in our own way encouraged each other in our faith. 

As Jesus encounters the Sadducees in today’s Gospel passage, they are struggling to believe in the resurrection.  Jesus teaches them and all walk away amazed.  He encourages them to believe in what they could not believe in their own.  Community has this power, to help each other in what we struggle to believe on our own. 

This is what we do for each other.  The power of community is that God gives us faith through each other, encouraging each other, lifting each other up, and helping each other see what we can’t see on our own.  Thanks be to God for how you share Christ with others, and my prayer is you see the power of the Holy Spirit working in you to build up those around you.  Thanks be to God. 

Faithfully, 

John+ 

Questions for Self-Reflection:  What have others helped you to believe?  Are you aware of helping others grow in their faith, in what way? 

Accept the Invitation - December 8, 2023

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 16, 17, Amos 5:1-17; Jude 1-16; Matt. 22:1-14

Today’s Reflection:

Once, I was in conversation with someone who had gotten scary news, earth-shattering news really. I sat with this woman as she wondered what her suddenly tenuous future might look like and she said, "I guess this is what I have been going to church for all of these years. All of those services and all of that studying, and all of that time with the community, hopefully has helped prepare me to face what is ahead."

I was amazed by the wisdom and equanimity in my friend's words. Since then, I have watched her gyrate from sad, to grateful, to angry, to "choosing joy." All aspects of her response are real and faith-filled.

Truth is, every one of us will have earth-shattering news one day--about our own lives or the life of someone we love. How does our faith inform our responses to illness, or death, or tragedy? I am wondering if we are not better equipped to choose peace, and joy, and gratitude in the midst of our troubles if we have been nourished at God's table and sustained in God's community. How does a pattern of daily prayer and study and reading scripture expand our understanding of God? How does showing up to care for our neighbor humble us to receive care one day? I am not implying that those who struggle during life's challenges have been unfaithful--the struggle is valid and real; and the potential for eventual comfort is real.

Our Gospel reading today is another example of Jesus using a jarring-to-us, genre popular in his day-apocalyptic preaching. Jesus warns that those who refuse God's invitation to be God's guest at the banquet of love, will experience the deepest desolation and anguish. We all experience desolation and darkness at times. Sometimes, it is through the hardships and heartbreaks in our lives that we come to the realization that we cannot manage life on our own--we need God and we need each other.

Every moment of every day, God calls us into deeper and deeper love.

When we continue to refuse the invitation, or show up half-hearted, we waste the opportunity to grow in love and strength and peace which surpasses all understanding. In the midst of the busyness of this season, I encourage us to KEEP AWAKE and accept God's invitation at the banquet of love--and invite others to the table as well.

Yours in Christ,

Mary Bea+

Questions for Self-Reflection:

What have you been holding back? What would it look like to bring our full selves to the banquet?

Nick – December 6

Today’s Readings: Nicholas of Myra: Psalm 145:8-13; 1 John 4:7-14; Mark 10:13-16

Today is the feast day of Saint Nicholas of Myra. He is described as a friend of children, giver of gifts, climber of chimneys, etc. While an historical figure in the life of the church, he is also known across the world by names like Saint Nick, Pere Noel, Father Christmas, or Santa Claus. Nicholas lived in the fourth century in Turkey. Stories are told of his great faith and generous spirit – particularly his penchant for giving gifts anonymously. He was a bishop in Asia Minor and was a passionate defender of the weak and destitute.

Nicholas died December 6, AD 343 and so we remember St. Nick today. In some European countries, gifts arrive on this day rather than on December 25. Presents arrive again on January 6 (Epiphany) when we remember the bright light of a celestial beacon guiding three wise men to present gifts to Jesus the infant.

Each gift given by St. Nicholas and by the Magi is a symbol of promise, prayer, and love. It is this love that we read about in Mark 10:13-16, when Jesus advocates for the children to be brought to him. “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them,” Jesus says. The Messiah sees the hope and glory and promise in each young life. “For it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs,” he continues. The teacher and healer takes these kids into his arms, embraces them with care, lays his hands on them, and blesses them. Because he loves them. He gives them the gift of care and attention, prayer and blessing. It is not necessarily a tangible gift. It is one of presence and respect. It is more of a feeling of warmth and belong that Jesus gives the children. This experience resonates within their senses. In this space, Jesus teaches his disciples about love and welcome.

In the first letter of John appointed on this feast day of Nicholas of Myra, we get to read the stirring words, “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God…God’s love was revealed to us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us…” (4:7, 9-10a) The gift of Jesus was not given to us by God so that we would love God more. Jesus came as an embodiment of God’s deep love for humankind, and as a reminder of God’s care, presence, and promise.

When you think about “Old Saint Nick” and the work of distributing gifts to children anonymously around the globe, remember that through generosity and dedication, we tell the tales while passing along reminders of God’s love. Just as Jesus worked to open the eyes of his disciples to the wonder of the young people around them, Jesus is calling us to welcome the wonder of giving and receiving the gift of love. I pray that God continues to prepare your heart so that you can be present as a child of God in the giving and receiving of love.

-- Katherine+

Questions for Reflection

Think about what it would be like to give gifts totally anonymously this year. How would you feel as the giver? What would it be like to receive gifts anonymously? Where is God in these experiences?

Daily Challenge

Research Saint Nicholas of Myra and read about the stories of his life and ministry. Listen for the ways his legacy inspires you to live into faith.

Missing the Point

Today’s Readings

Psalm 140, 142;

 Isa. 24:14-23; 1 Pet. 3:13-4:6; Matt. 20:17-28

Today’s Reflection

One of my favorite commentaries on the Gospel of Matthew is written by a Trappist monk living at St. Joseph's Abbey in Spencer, MA, Brother Simeon, also known as Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis. Brother Simeon has penned a scholarly, mystically-inspired, thousands of pages long, three-volume set on the Gospel of Matthew. What a life of meaning! What a life of service to those of us who need wise scripture guides!

Truth is, most of us will never accomplish anything as monumental as Brother Simeon's tremendous fete; and yet, each of us is invited to notice how Christ is among us, beckoning us to prioritize how we "spend" our lives and how we might serve the common good.

As I read today's Gospel, I'm almost embarrassed for the mother of James and John--asking for her sons to be treated like royalty, immediately after Jesus has predicted that he would be handed over to be condemned to death, mocked, scourged, crucified, and raised from the dead. Talk about tone deaf. Talk about selfish. Talk about a desire to seek power.

When the other ten disciples learn of the "sons of Zebbedee's" mother's request, they pitch a fit. Brother Simeon points out that all twelve of the disciples are missing the point, not just James and John. They all wanted the coveted seat of royalty.

Brother Simeon writes that we should not imagine Jesus has "risen above" the fray, but the he has "descended among us..." and "...can infuse our human condition ...with the divine peace that is his by rights....Thus, we are to lose no time in running to him, so that he may communicate to us the all-pacifying, all-beautifying, all-transforming energies of the Godhead, which he alone of all men possesses."(Fire of Mercy: Heart of the Word, Volume III, 284)

How might this reading inform our living as we make our way toward Advent? Perhaps we are being invited to "run toward Jesus" with a counter-cultural devotion to take extra time reflecting on how we might be off track in our own lives. Let's face it, we all have a bit of those missing-the-point disciples in us. Taking time to reflect on our lives helps us to get back on the path.

This Sunday at 4pm we will have our monthly First Sunday Labyrinth Walk. Anne Markham Bailey will be our guide and cellist Patty Pilon will accompany us as we walk our prayers. The Celtic Service is at 5pm. Please join us for one or both of these contemplative offerings as an invitation to welcome the "Light of Light" into our hearts. And if you're hungry for great food and company, stay for a simple supper after the service.

Yours in Christ,

Mary Bea+

Questions for Reflection:

Where in your own life are you seeking power, perhaps even at the expense of others? Acknowledging the cultural challenges of the day, how can you carve-out some Advent space in the coming weeks?

Stuff - November 29

Today’s Readings:

AM Psalm 119:145-176; PM Psalm 128, 129, 130
Obadiah 15-21; 1 Pet. 2:1-10; Matt. 19:23-30

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it will be hard for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven.” This is the verse that opens the reading from Matthew this morning in the Daily Office lectionary. If the chill of the weather doesn’t give us a jolt, then perhaps the Good News will snap us awake! These scriptures around wealth, faith, and heaven are some of the earliest I remember pondering. I continue to wrap my head and heart around these concepts.

What directly precedes this verse is the story of the young man who asked Jesus, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” Jesus responded that what one really must do is keep the commandments. The young man agreed that he was already doing all those right things. What was missing? Jesus answered, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” Upon hearing this, the seeker left aggrieved. It was the possessions that were the hardest to give up.

And so, it is in this space that we follow Jesus’ teaching arc to the disciples and others around him. “Truly I tell you, it will be hard for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven,” he said. They responded in genuine concern, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus answered with a quip that rings of the wisdom of great sages three steps ahead, “For mortals it is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”

I say yes to Jesus’ statement. Of course, with God all is possible. And then I appreciate Peter, who brought the conversation back to this murky topic of possessions, faith, and heaven. And here’s what is on my heart this morning: all the stuff we crave – whether it is in a tiny box or hauled on a truck – brings us excitement and garners our attention. That is not bad or harmful. The problem is not the possessions; it is our relationship with them. What God wants is all of us; the Lord wants our attention focused on all things heavenly. Jesus wants us to be his followers.

When we are more attached to the things around us, we do not feel the deep need for the salvific gift that God offers us in Jesus. When we find ourselves in comfort and not needing much, we are distracted. And then, we feel that emptiness returning and seek other physical, tangible things to fill the yearnings within us. It is the human condition. We are apt to drift away from God. That is why staying grounded in scripture and prayer and Christian community is vital to spiritual health at any age.

If you have made it to the end of this reflection, you are taking steps to nourish your soul and deepen your own faith through pondering the Good News for us in the Bible. Whether the rhythm and depth of the psalms feeds you, or stories of human foibles reassure you, or the wisdom of Jesus’ friends gives you the pep talk you need to get through today, stick with it. And be mindful that things can distract us from the love of God.

With gratitude and God’s love,

Katherine+

Questions for Self-Reflection and Daily Challenge:

What is your relationship with physical possessions? Take an honest assessment of your own life today. Reflect on where there are healthy attachments, and what might need some tweaking. Take this to God honestly in prayer and listen for where God is calling you lovingly to follow more closely.